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CATTLE TODAY

IT'S THE PITTS -- THE MAN TEST

by: Lee Pitts

Men, can we talk? It has become obvious to me that we're running a little low on testosterone these days. It's a sad day indeed when female track stars and Tour de France bicycle riders have more of it flowing through their veins than your average man on the street. If you know what I mean? Here's a simple test to determine if you have hair on your chest or should be wearing a dress.

1. Husquevarna is

A) A good looking female Russian tennis star

B) The country formerly known as Czechoslovakia

C) A brand of chainsaw

2. There is an irritating noise in your new car. What do you do?

A) Take it back to the dealer

B) Turn the radio up louder

C) Let her drive

3. You are an active member of...

A) The PTA

B) The AA

C) The NRA

4. In a five star restaurant what drink goes with your arugula and raddicchio salad?

A) Pinot Noir

B) Sparkling water

C) None of the above. What the heck are you doing in a five star restaurant eating a salad? Was McDonalds closed?

5. Which of the following should you take on a fishing trip?

A) A duvet

B) An expresso machine

C) Your wife

D) 12 bags of pork rinds, playing cards and 10 cases of beer. Fishing pole optional.

6. Which of the following TV shows would you rather watch?

A) The View

B) Reruns of Seventh Heaven followed by The Gilmore Girls

C) Sunday Night Football followed by Monday Night Football

7. Which of the following is NOT one of the four basic food groups?

A) Biscuits and gravy

B) Pizza and beer

C) Lima beans

8. If you can only remember one holiday it would be...

A) Your wife's birthday

B) Your wedding anniversary

C) The first day of deer hunting season

9. You just can't get enough of...

A) Barry Manilow

B) Barbara Streisand

C) Willie Nelson

10. Your wife's favorite flower is...

A) the rose

B) Gold Medal Self Rising

C) None of the above. (You expect us to remember such trivial things as birthdays, anniversaries AND favorite flowers? Surely you jest!)

Answers: Men, if we have to tell you the answers you probably wear pleated pants with a sweater wrapped around your neck. Shame on you. Turn in your gun, duct tape, Cabela's catalog, poker chips and Peterbuilt belt buckle, you woman you.

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