IT'S THE PITTS -- UNIDENTIFIED FRUITY OBJECT

by: Lee Pitts

Besides being a great-granddaughter of the former President, Laura Eisenhower is a professional clairvoyant and spiritual healer who reads Tarot cards and gives astrology readings for a living. In an interview with Fox News Laura said that vegetarians are more apt to see UFO's than meat-eaters because, "we are multidimensional beings and based on our frequency, perceptions and our vibratory levels that we are functioning from, we are going to see things differently."

I'm not sure "vibratory levels" are something we should discuss in a family publication but Laura says we see things differently because conventionally raised foods may contain "toxic energies" while vegetarian and vegan diets produce a cleaner and purer energy. She explains, "When you are dealing with eating animals, it is a heavier density to process in our physical bodies. When we eat veggies, we are lighter, so we can connect easier with higher beings." According to Laura you don't have to be vegetarian or vegan to experience what she calls sky beings, "but it is a lot more appropriate."

I'm not sure I want to meet these friends of Laura's. It's not because I'm afraid or anything, it's just I'm not willing to eat the diet Laura says we should eat in order to have a better chance to see them. To see the sky people Laura recommends eating something called Kombucha, turmeric and raw food. "And keep your digestive tract flowing," she says. I think that we can then surmise that constipated people hardly ever see sky people and that adventurous readers should rush right down to the Rexall for a big jar of Metamucil®.

Hooking up with these sky beings sounds like hard work. It's not like merely becoming a Facebook friend. Speaking of which, I went to Laura's Facebook page to learn more about Ike's fascinating great granddaughter. Laura says she "has gone through the depths of the World Soul as an Alchemical Warrior". And you'll be glad to know she is "working to create transformation and retrieve all aspects of the Goddess back into wholeness while breaking through from the grips of the Archons, patriarchy hidden agendas, including a Mars recruitment and the Ancient Game." She also working hard to "guide us back to the Pieroma."

Huh? I know where Pie Town is (New Mexico) but I've never heard of this Pieroma place. And let me just say that Laura sounds nuttier than Jamoica Almond Fudge and belongs in the HaHa House. She's a UFO herself... an Unidentified Fruity Object.

I admit that as a meat eater I've yet to meet Laura's sky beings but I was abducted once, not by aliens but by my grandparents who took us on a much needed vacation from our parents. I am fascinated by the subject though, and wanting to know more about Ike's granddaughter, I Googled the words Eisenhower and UFO's and you're never gonna believe what I found! (Try it yourself!)

According to the knower of all things, the Internet, in February of 1954 Ike was vacationing in Palm Springs, California, when he went missing. His doctor later said he'd had dental issues but it was leaked that Eisenhower was taken to Edwards Air Force Base for a secret meeting with extra terrestrials. I assure you, I'm not making this up. This was supposedly the first of many such meetings which led to Ike signing of a peace treaty with the Aeroforms, the extra terrestrials which were said to resemble the Nordic race.

I'm guessing that Ike just ate some bad chicken, got confused, had a fuzzy bloated feeling and forgot that he'd merely signed a peace treaty with Norway.

At this point I'm reminded of the words of the brilliant physicist, Stephen Hawking when he said, "I'm discounting reports of UFO's. Why would they appear only to cranks and weirdoes."     

I do wonder however, if these Aeroforms are the same sky people Laura Eisenhoqwer says we could meet if we just ate more cauliflower I know one thing, if teachers would have taught us history like this when I was young fewer of would have slept through both World Wars, the depression and Gettysburg.

Clearly the Eisenhower clan could use a few quarter-pounders as a first step towards sanity. In the very least they should ease up on the veggies. The psychedelic mushrooms especially.

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