Women changing...or not changing... their last name

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Brute 23
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Brute 23 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:34 pm

True Grit Farms wrote:A marriage counselor? If you and your partner can't work it out amongst yourselves you have no business being married. Right now someone to talk to and confide in might not be the most important thing, but one day it will be. Communication is the key for success in a marriage.


Yes. The problem with most fights IMO, not just marriage, is neither side can come up with a alternative idea. Bringing in outside council just give you a larger brain bank of resources no matter if its a forum, a marriage councilor, a preacher, respected friend... I would stay away from family on marriage issues but it can be done under the right circumstances.

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety
Last edited by Brute 23 on Tue Dec 19, 2017 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Brute 23 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:36 pm

I applaud you MM for discussing this honestly and taking in the feedback. You are 10 steps ahead of most people and shows an openness that will serve yall well. :clap:
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:46 pm

Dr. MM,

Take all this advice. Write it down on small squares of paper. Put the squares in an envelope, address it and mail it to the "Dead Letter Office," PO Box 013013, Wisdom, Massachusetts 01313.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:05 pm

milkmaid wrote:We get married and I go from Dr MM my last name to Mrs his last name, that's a significant change. He was Mr his last name before and he'll still be Mr his last name after. Why should all the changes happen to me? lol. He asks why I don't want to be part of "us" - I do - I just don't want to give up the part that is "me" in the process of becoming "us." Does that make sense?

Anyway, I do appreciate y'all's input. Thanks.


This is the most concerning statement you've made. It does sound like you're not all in.


greybeard wrote:

This is what I meant when I said "the issue is much more clear now".

This name change paperwork thing is a relatively tiny issue compared to what awaits you 2. Marriage..is all about sacrifice on both sides of the coin. If either or both are unwilling to make them, don't do it.

You asked, so I'll be honest. If my daughter were to come to me with the same concern (name change) I'd tell her she isn't ready for marriage.


That's what it sounds like to me too
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:13 pm

Craig Miller wrote:
milkmaid wrote:We get married and I go from Dr MM my last name to Mrs his last name, that's a significant change. He was Mr his last name before and he'll still be Mr his last name after. Why should all the changes happen to me? lol. He asks why I don't want to be part of "us" - I do - I just don't want to give up the part that is "me" in the process of becoming "us." Does that make sense?

Anyway, I do appreciate y'all's input. Thanks.


This is the most concerning statement you've made. It does sound like you're not all in.


greybeard wrote:

This is what I meant when I said "the issue is much more clear now".

This name change paperwork thing is a relatively tiny issue compared to what awaits you 2. Marriage..is all about sacrifice on both sides of the coin. If either or both are unwilling to make them, don't do it.

You asked, so I'll be honest. If my daughter were to come to me with the same concern (name change) I'd tell her she isn't ready for marriage.


That's what it sounds like to me too


Craig: Step out of the Stone Age. She wants to keep her name! If she wanted to have a couple boyfriends on the side, I would doubt her commitment.

I respect everyone's commentary. That does not mean I agree. I don't. Having read this entire thread, she needs to disregard all these comments and make decisions based on the realtime relationship between her and her prospective mate. IMHO, this is just an exercise in entertainment.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Rafter S » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:43 pm

Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
milkmaid wrote:We get married and I go from Dr MM my last name to Mrs his last name, that's a significant change. He was Mr his last name before and he'll still be Mr his last name after. Why should all the changes happen to me? lol. He asks why I don't want to be part of "us" - I do - I just don't want to give up the part that is "me" in the process of becoming "us." Does that make sense?

Anyway, I do appreciate y'all's input. Thanks.


This is the most concerning statement you've made. It does sound like you're not all in.


greybeard wrote:


That's what it sounds like to me too


Craig: Step out of the Stone Age. She wants to keep her name! If she wanted to have a couple boyfriends on the side, I would doubt her commitment.

I respect everyone's commentary. That does not mean I agree. I don't. Having read this entire thread, she needs to disregard all these comments and make decisions based on the realtime relationship between her and her prospective mate. IMHO, this is just an exercise in entertainment.


She asked for opinions. We weren't offering them unsolicited. You don't have to like them, but I disagree that they're "just an exercise in entertainment".
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:54 pm

Rafter S wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
This is the most concerning statement you've made. It does sound like you're not all in.




That's what it sounds like to me too


Craig: Step out of the Stone Age. She wants to keep her name! If she wanted to have a couple boyfriends on the side, I would doubt her commitment.

I respect everyone's commentary. That does not mean I agree. I don't. Having read this entire thread, she needs to disregard all these comments and make decisions based on the realtime relationship between her and her prospective mate. IMHO, this is just an exercise in entertainment.


She asked for opinions. We weren't offering them unsolicited. You don't have to like them, but I disagree that they're "just an exercise in entertainment".


Acknowledged.

Not a matter of like. Disagree is a better word.

Regarding the phase "just an exercise in entertainment." Since she is soliciting opinions or advice - my advice is on par with everyone else's. And that advice is this:

Dr. MM. Don't make your decision on solicited comments about marriage on a Cattle Forum. Most of us can barely do a good job in animal husbandry - Lord forbid that we give counsel to couples on the eve of their nuptials.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:55 pm

Rafter S wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
This is the most concerning statement you've made. It does sound like you're not all in.




That's what it sounds like to me too


Craig: Step out of the Stone Age. She wants to keep her name! If she wanted to have a couple boyfriends on the side, I would doubt her commitment.

I respect everyone's commentary. That does not mean I agree. I don't. Having read this entire thread, she needs to disregard all these comments and make decisions based on the realtime relationship between her and her prospective mate. IMHO, this is just an exercise in entertainment.


She asked for opinions. We weren't offering them unsolicited. You don't have to like them, but I disagree that they're "just an exercise in entertainment".


Having an argument on a 10 level before marriage is hardly entertainment.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:02 pm

Bright Raven wrote: And that advice is this:

Dr. MM. Don't make your decision on solicited comments about marriage on a Cattle Forum. Most of us can barely do a good job in animal husbandry - Lord forbid that we give counsel to couples on the eve of their nuptials.


I do agree with you here. I think she's already made her mind up and was hoping to get someone here to validate what she has chose to do.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:04 pm

Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote: And that advice is this:

Dr. MM. Don't make your decision on solicited comments about marriage on a Cattle Forum. Most of us can barely do a good job in animal husbandry - Lord forbid that we give counsel to couples on the eve of their nuptials.


I do agree with you here. I think she's already made her mind up and was hoping to get someone here to validate what she has chose to do.


In that case: I hereby as Bright Raven fully validate her decision to retain her maiden name! Lol
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:09 pm

Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote: And that advice is this:

Dr. MM. Don't make your decision on solicited comments about marriage on a Cattle Forum. Most of us can barely do a good job in animal husbandry - Lord forbid that we give counsel to couples on the eve of their nuptials.


I do agree with you here. I think she's already made her mind up and was hoping to get someone here to validate what she has chose to do.


In that case: I hereby as Bright Raven fully validate her decision to retain her maiden name! Lol

Might as well cause it don't matter either way what we say.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:10 pm

Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
I do agree with you here. I think she's already made her mind up and was hoping to get someone here to validate what she has chose to do.


In that case: I hereby as Bright Raven fully validate her decision to retain her maiden name! Lol

Might as well cause it don't matter either way what we say.


For their sake, I sure hope you are right. :lol:
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:12 pm

Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
In that case: I hereby as Bright Raven fully validate her decision to retain her maiden name! Lol

Might as well cause it don't matter either way what we say.


For their sake, I sure hope you are right. :lol:


I see it all the time on Facebook and on here too. People ask for advice but really don't want to hear it what you say unless you say the same as them.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:20 pm

Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:Might as well cause it don't matter either way what we say.


For their sake, I sure hope you are right. :lol:


I see it all the time on Facebook and on here too. People ask for advice but really don't want to hear it what you say unless you say the same as them.


Seriously, that is the nature of the beast. Humans seek confirmation/validation. If I believe in Wood's Fairies, it validates my fantasy as having substance if you say you do too.
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Re: Women changing...or not changing... their last name

Postby Craig Miller » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:24 pm

Bright Raven wrote:
Craig Miller wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:
For their sake, I sure hope you are right. :lol:


I see it all the time on Facebook and on here too. People ask for advice but really don't want to hear it what you say unless you say the same as them.


Seriously, that is the nature of the beast. Humans seek confirmation/validation. If I believe in Wood's Fairies, it validates my fantasy as having substance if you say you do too.


I don't know about woods fairies but I have seen the tooth fairy so It makes sense there would be some in the woods too
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