A friend rethinks things

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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby backhoeboogie » Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:26 pm

While I agree with the perspective, I don't agree with these people who put in a 40 hour week, buy ski rigs or bass boats and play all weekend, then have their hand out wanting help.

I wanted more. I worked for it. Now I have to support three families and I am an old man. It seems to me that someone else needs to get off their duff and get to work if they are not making ends meet. If they can't pay the rent, they need to find a place they can afford etc.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby herofan » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:04 pm

backhoeboogie wrote:While I agree with the perspective, I don't agree with these people who put in a 40 hour week, buy ski rigs or bass boats and play all weekend, then have their hand out wanting help.

I wanted more. I worked for it. Now I have to support three families and I am an old man. It seems to me that someone else needs to get off their duff and get to work if they are not making ends meet. If they can't pay the rent, they need to find a place they can afford etc.


I agree with this 100 percent. I think people need to pay their own way. What I see, however, is people who could live a comfortable life on a 40 hour week, but they would rather beat their brains out reaching for every dollar possible, or whatever the reason is. I think some people are just addicted to being busy while life passes them by.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby skyhightree1 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:25 pm

had some heart issues in 2010 and thought about my life as well and made some life and work changes... However, We are lucky those of us that did make those changes because todays economy some folks have to work hard no matter what to stay afloat and keep off the gov't's dime and that option is not readily available to everyone.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby herofan » Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:50 pm

skyhightree1 wrote:had some heart issues in 2010 and thought about my life as well and made some life and work changes... However, We are lucky those of us that did make those changes because todays economy some folks have to work hard no matter what to stay afloat and keep off the gov't's dime and that option is not readily available to everyone.


That’s true. This is just a subject that fascinates me. I think where our hearts are is often how we identify ourselves. I truly enjoy spending time with my kids and just enjoying the simple things in life, so I probably identify myself as a father and friend more than anything else. I like the simple things in life with family, and a life of hustle and bustle does not appeal to me whatsoever.

I will admit that I have a difficult time understanding how a person could want to work all the time in one capacity or another when they really didn’t have to. I do not understand workaholics. A consistent striving for success and more, more, more would be totally exhausting to me mentally more than physically, but I guess people do what they love and what fulfills them and gives them purpose. My family is my love, so it makes sense that some people identify themselves this way too.

Many have careers/jobs they devote themselves to. This is their #1 goal, sacrificing years of their lives studying / preparing and bringing so much to countless others. They identify themselves more so in this way over any family member or backyard barbecue... and thank God for many of these brilliant minds who have contributed to our world. When my friend had his accident, he had to have major surgery. I was in awe of the surgeon, so thankful for the advances in medicine and people like him. I thought of what demands there must be on those in his field. I have so much respect there/ admiration. I’m sure he didn’t get to where he is by going home every day at 3:00 and sleeping in on weekends, but I’m not him.

We should all reach for what we are passionate about. For some, it's "life changing" important work for the betterment of all like surgeons, and I think some are just addicted to being busy. Something just tells them that a life of being on the go all the time is normal. For others like me, we just enjoy family and movies on a Friday night with friends. While we take our careers seriously, we also identify with making a living and could never view a job being better than smelling the roses here and there. So it makes sense we might find ourselves identifying more so by our relationships and taking life in the slower lane. Then, when something comes along like what happened to my friend, it makes me even more secure in the path I have chosen.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby herofan » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:48 pm

I had a chance to visit with my friend yesterday. It’s been a while since the accident, and he has gotten a grip on things and seems to be doing well now. We are close and can talk about anything, so I asked him to explain his change of attitude in work since his accident. He told me before that there would be some changes if he could get back on his feet and have some kind of normalcy mainly in spending more time with his family and not working all the time. I told him that I realize he could have looked back and thought his life was just fine the way it was and was anxious to get back to living just like he was. I asked if he could explain and what made him make the decision to change.

He said it might be difficult to put it all in words, but he had had a lot of time to think since he’s not been busy. He said it might sound crazy, but he felt like he had actually gotten to know his wife, kids, and grandkids better since the accident. He said there have been times when something would come up about them and he would have to say, “oh, I didn’t know that.” Then he wondered how he could have been so busy that he didn’t notice certain things about his own family.

He said before that if he came in a few hours earlier than usual and just sat around the house, he actually felt guilty that he was just wasting time. He said it’s like his brain was revved up, but his body was in neutral, so that felt weird. The only way he knew to solve that was get back to work, and he said that’s how everybody else seemed to be living. He said now that he looked back, he didn’t know why the heck he felt guilty. He said that those thoughts seemed crazy now. It wasn’t like he or anyone in his family was doing without anything or that someone else’s check was having to keep him up. He said now that he’s forced to just sit around, he doesn’t feel guilty because he realizes it’s out of his control, and he wonders why he felt like every waking moment had to be filled with work before.

He said he and his wife took a vacation from time to time, but looking back, even that was a big job. He said in order to feel like they were enjoying themselves, they had to go on a big trip that took effort, and they usually came back worn out. Before, it's like everything had to be a busy task in order to feel like it was worthwhile. Now, he says he finds that sitting on the back porch at night with a small fire and chatting with his friends and family is wonderful. He wonders why he didn’t recognize that before.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby dieselbeef » Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:58 pm

huh...I think you were talking to me..esp since my wife passed and I have to do everything....I spend too much time cussing and yelling
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby Farm Fence Solutions » Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:01 am

Image
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby herofan » Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:49 am

Farm Fence Solutions wrote:Image


Very true. Thanks for sharing. I have a few other friends I wish I could get to pay attention to this.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby Bigfoot » Sat Mar 17, 2018 12:47 pm

I've thought on all this a bunch lately. I made a personal commmitment back about '06 to enjoy life more. I have since come to the conclusion, that work is what I enjoy. Might as well do what you enjoy.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby hurleyjd » Sat Mar 17, 2018 1:22 pm

Farm Fence Solutions wrote:Image


https://www.dalailama.com/messages/reli ... us-harmony

I pretty well live by this creed. I respect everyone and stay out of the way the ones that do not respect me. Try not to change anyone but look for the good in every one and try to learn from them.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby TexasBred » Sat Mar 17, 2018 8:45 pm

Bigfoot wrote:I've thought on all this a bunch lately. I made a personal commmitment back about '06 to enjoy life more. I have since come to the conclusion, that work is what I enjoy. Might as well do what you enjoy.

Hope you smile, sing or whistle while you're doing it. :nod:
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby herofan » Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:31 pm

Bigfoot wrote:I've thought on all this a bunch lately. I made a personal commmitment back about '06 to enjoy life more. I have since come to the conclusion, that work is what I enjoy. Might as well do what you enjoy.


I would in no way try to convince someone of what they like or don’t like. I know there is a saying something like “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I know what you’re saying to a point.

Personally, I’m talking about extremes. I believe someone mentioned in this thread that his child didn’t recognize him at it’s birthday party because he was away so much, and it was a wake up call. I think we’ve all seen in the movies where a parent will keep promising to go to their kids games or events, but they always miss them due to work. I believe if things got to that point in my life, I would consider that I gad a problem.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby zirlottkim » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:52 am

Ambition is what drives the world. The hard part is finding a balance between family and work. I can sympathize with Grit. To be successful at commercial shrimping requires most of the year away from home. 20 to 40 day trips with a week home in between trips. But that week is spent working on the boat preparing for the next trip. You just get to sleep at home. I did this for 25 years. I had a talent for it and felt I was made to do the job. I enjoyed it but it was mind consuming. There was no better feeling than coming through the pass after a long hard trip knowing I pushed the crew, the boat and myself and had a good trip in the hold. It was hard on family life so a few years back I decided to pursue the marketing side more and hired a Capt to take the boat. Through the years I would hear people condemn me some for "working my life away" but the some of the same people spend their lives without ever finding a job they enjoy doing. Work to them was a 40 hour a week "something you have to do", not something they poured their heart and soul into. I pitied them and I never wanted to be that type of person. I can't condemn someone for using their talents and being successful.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby Jogeephus » Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:40 pm

I've been contemplating retirement for a few years now and its a hard decision. I had my first full time job at 8 years old and hated it. Would watch the clock and was convinced it took an hour to move five minutes but then I finally figured out that if I kept myself busy and looked for things to do and stayed busy the day would fly by.

When I was in my twenties I set a goal and promised myself I'd retire and do exactly what I wanted when I reached it. At 40 I realized I had hit that goal at 38 but was too busy to realize it and retirement was the last thing on my mind because I enjoyed what I was doing. Some question why I continue working so many hours and at times I question this myself. I don't think anyone has suffered from this because at a young age I was taught efficiency and did more before noon than many did in a day. This trait has been one of my strong points and I think its not the amount of time you spend at work or with family but the quality of that time. Putting it simply, I work hard and play hard because my time is a premium. I also learned that its futile to chase butterflies for the sake of pride. This took some time to learn but I finally got it when a wise man told me you can't make $30/hour doing $6/hour work even though you are more than capable of doing the $6/hour job. Though I don't need or want for anything and could close shop today I feel a responsibility to others who benefit from my working and I still get satisfaction from all of these things but money and trinkets are not my motivators.

I think my younger self would be let down by the person I have grown to be because I broke my promise of retirement and have never bought as many candy bars as I had once promised myself I would when I had the means. But in defense of myself I have done a lot of good and this good will be seen long after I'm gone and that - to me - is worth a lot.
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Re: A friend rethinks things

Postby True Grit Farms » Sun Mar 18, 2018 1:34 pm

Jogeephus wrote:I've been contemplating retirement for a few years now and its a hard decision. I had my first full time job at 8 years old and hated it. Would watch the clock and was convinced it took an hour to move five minutes but then I finally figured out that if I kept myself busy and looked for things to do and stayed busy the day would fly by.

When I was in my twenties I set a goal and promised myself I'd retire and do exactly what I wanted when I reached it. At 40 I realized I had hit that goal at 38 but was too busy to realize it and retirement was the last thing on my mind because I enjoyed what I was doing. Some question why I continue working so many hours and at times I question this myself. I don't think anyone has suffered from this because at a young age I was taught efficiency and did more before noon than many did in a day. This trait has been one of my strong points and I think its not the amount of time you spend at work or with family but the quality of that time. Putting it simply, I work hard and play hard because my time is a premium. I also learned that its futile to chase butterflies for the sake of pride. This took some time to learn but I finally got it when a wise man told me you can't make $30/hour doing $6/hour work even though you are more than capable of doing the $6/hour job. Though I don't need or want for anything and could close shop today I feel a responsibility to others who benefit from my working and I still get satisfaction from all of these things but money and trinkets are not my motivators.

I think my younger self would be let down by the person I have grown to be because I broke my promise of retirement and have never bought as many candy bars as I had once promised myself I would when I had the means. But in defense of myself I have done a lot of good and this good will be seen long after I'm gone and that - to me - is worth a lot.


I still think you need to slow down and enjoy your bounty. As much as you enjoy shooting you should go out west a couple times a year to kill dogs. That would be doing good for the farmers and ranchers.
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