Daily Joke

A friendly place for chat, rumors, gossip and jokes.
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slick4591
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Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:04 pm

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2
hours.' The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a
half.’ The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob , do me a favor
follow him and see where he goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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3waycross
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby 3waycross » Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:37 pm

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
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cow pollinater
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby cow pollinater » Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:55 pm

I'm going to the barber tommorrow. I'm going to wait until AFTER he's done with my haircut before I tell him that one.
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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:45 am

A few years back, in a small Texas town, the local madam also operated the local telephone service.

When the police finally arrested her, they found her book of "talent." Each police officer was then assigned to investigate some "girls" from her book.

After a week, the Chief summoned each cop to report his findings.

"Detective Smith, what did you learn about the hookers on your list?"

"Chief, I'm sorry, but I need to disqualify myself," said Smith. "One of the women I interviewed is eighty-four years old and so charming that I have fallen in love with her."

"Dammit, boy!" shouted the Chief. "I'm surprised at you. You've been a cop for 25 years and here you go, falling for the oldest trick in the book!"
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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Isomade
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby Isomade » Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:04 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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chrisy
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby chrisy » Thu Dec 15, 2011 5:22 pm

to both of them.... :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :clap:
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby john250 » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:25 pm

:lol2:
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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Fri Dec 16, 2011 8:49 am

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:00 pm

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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Sat Dec 17, 2011 3:50 pm

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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chrisy
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby chrisy » Sat Dec 17, 2011 7:13 pm

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Schizophrenia beats being alone.

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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:55 am

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to be nice Mr. Smith's boil!"
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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chrisy
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby chrisy » Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:20 am

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Schizophrenia beats being alone.

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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:18 am

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown

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slick4591
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Re: Daily Joke

Postby slick4591 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:05 pm

An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
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"If the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it." ~ unknown


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