Stray bullet story

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JMJ Farms
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Stray bullet story

Postby JMJ Farms » Wed Jun 20, 2018 9:44 am

Let me tell y’all a story about a stray bullet. This happened to my daddy’s sister in law’s stepdad’s cousin’s mother’s boyfriend, Shermaine. He was out in the cow lot trying to pull triplets from his 1593 pound Zebu 8 year old heifer with a spanner. (He lives somewhere in Texas on a mega farm/ranch) First thing he done was put a 5x6 roll of hay in front of her. He then tied a rope to the heifers front legs, dragged her over the bale of hay and then tied her front legs to to a tree where she couldn’t go down. Then he hooks a come along to his squeeze chute to hold her back legs and then hooks a logging chain around each calf’s head so he could pull them all at the same time and then commenced pulling away with the spanner. Right before he pulled the triplets into six pieces he heard his neighbor shooting his Taurus Judge .308/M16/Mini 14 combo automatic lever action revolver. Bullets were bouncing off the chute and then one ricocheted off the logging chain and struck the mega ranchers champion Chowdoodle cow dog in the eye. Now keep in mind that the weekender neighbor is shooting from the other side of a mountain that is at least 9213 yards away. Anyways the Chowdoodle goes ballistic. He runs up behind the cow and bites her square in the azz (just like True Grit said “never seen a dog that couldn’t bite). Then the cow nuts up, starts bucking, pulls the squeeze chute off the corral, and kicks Shermaine right in the cods. Just like that both nutz are ruptured. But it gets worse. During all the bucking, all three calves come out at once. The flying spanner is like a giant weed whacker (it’s still attached to the cow remember) and while Shermaine is doubled over with his ruptured testicles, the spanner comes back around and rotary mowers him down. (This is sometimes referred to as bush hogging him down, depending on where one lives). Now he has ruptured cods, a broken arm, and a concussion. All because of some ignorant weekender.

6 months later..... The heifer bled out. Turns out it wasn’t triplets but a 3 headed transgender calf that’s gonna wean a 7 months an estimated impressive 1245 lbs. The Chowdoodle lost sight in both eyes. Shermaine has to have his entire business amputated and subsequently became a monk. Shermaine’s wife, adniL, ran off with the weekender and took over the Megafarm/Ranch. Have you ever?
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby sim.-ang.king » Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:38 am

I call bs, everyone knows chowdoddles are born blind. That's why they have their eyes closed.
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby M-5 » Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:43 am

Everyone knows its shredding ,(like what you do to cheese) . The rest I believe
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby backhoeboogie » Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:50 am

M-5 wrote:Everyone knows its shredding ,(like what you do to cheese) . The rest I believe


Call the vet and ask him.
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby jehosofat » Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:55 am

JMJ Farms wrote:Let me tell y’all a story about a stray bullet. This happened to my daddy’s sister in law’s stepdad’s cousin’s mother’s boyfriend, Shermaine. He was out in the cow lot trying to pull triplets from his 1593 pound Zebu 8 year old heifer with a spanner. (He lives somewhere in Texas on a mega farm/ranch) First thing he done was put a 5x6 roll of hay in front of her. He then tied a rope to the heifers front legs, dragged her over the bale of hay and then tied her front legs to to a tree where she couldn’t go down. Then he hooks a come along to his squeeze chute to hold her back legs and then hooks a logging chain around each calf’s head so he could pull them all at the same time and then commenced pulling away with the spanner. Right before he pulled the triplets into six pieces he heard his neighbor shooting his Taurus Judge .308/M16/Mini 14 combo automatic lever action revolver. Bullets were bouncing off the chute and then one ricocheted off the logging chain and struck the mega ranchers champion Chowdoodle cow dog in the eye. Now keep in mind that the weekender neighbor is shooting from the other side of a mountain that is at least 9213 yards away. Anyways the Chowdoodle goes ballistic. He runs up behind the cow and bites her square in the azz (just like True Grit said “never seen a dog that couldn’t bite). Then the cow nuts up, starts bucking, pulls the squeeze chute off the corral, and kicks Shermaine right in the cods. Just like that both nutz are ruptured. But it gets worse. During all the bucking, all three calves come out at once. The flying spanner is like a giant weed whacker (it’s still attached to the cow remember) and while Shermaine is doubled over with his ruptured testicles, the spanner comes back around and rotary mowers him down. (This is sometimes referred to as bush hogging him down, depending on where one lives). Now he has ruptured cods, a broken arm, and a concussion. All because of some ignorant weekender.

6 months later..... The heifer bled out. Turns out it wasn’t triplets but a 3 headed transgender calf that’s gonna wean a 7 months an estimated impressive 1245 lbs. The Chowdoodle lost sight in both eyes. Shermaine has to have his entire business amputated and subsequently became a monk. Shermaine’s wife, adniL, ran off with the weekender and took over the Megafarm/Ranch. Have you ever?


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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby Jogeephus » Wed Jun 20, 2018 2:23 pm

I used to buy hay from Shermaine. Nice guy. One of the few fellas in the country who'd sell hay by the mess. I prefer buying it by the mess. Much fairer. Shermaine agreed. So is he out of the hay business now? I hope not. Last I bought from him was only $15/mess delivered. I offered to pay more but he explained his trailer was so big it made it pencil out and he didn't want to gouge me.
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby True Grit Farms » Wed Jun 20, 2018 9:17 pm

You sure there wasn't a Wilson 9mm super sonic involved in the shooting?
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby JMJ Farms » Thu Jun 21, 2018 6:30 am

True Grit Farms wrote:You sure there wasn't a Wilson 9mm super sonic involved in the shooting?


It was a Taurus Judge .308/M16/Mini 14 combo automatic lever action revolver. But I stand corrected TG. Wilson was involved in designing this particular firearm. So you are right. It technically was a Wilson. But don’t get your hopes up bc you can’t afford one. YOU ARE NOT a mega farmer/rancher like Shermaines weekender neighbor is now!
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby TexasBred » Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:46 am

Justified :) :) :lol2: :lol2:
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby haase » Thu Jun 21, 2018 10:23 am

Was it at night time and he was trying out his brand new night vision goggles?
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby JMJ Farms » Thu Jun 21, 2018 10:37 am

haase wrote:Was it at night time and he was trying out his brand new night vision goggles?


Who? The weekender? Shermaine? Or the dog?

Yes and no. It was nighttime. The weekender was using a 45x90 geothermal heat seeking scope. Shermaine had generation 8 night vision goggles. The dog... well the dog, being as he was a Champion Westminster Chowdoodle cow dog he needed neither bc he has 20/0 night vision in HD. He also had a built in geothermal sensor in his nose, which allowed him to zero in on the heat from that heifers azz right before he sank his teeth into it :nod:
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby haase » Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:16 am

Well me just being a hobby farmer and can't afford none of the above, I'm out.
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby holm25 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:16 am

:clap: :clap:
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby Lucky » Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:55 am

That story was funny and I’m still laughing but......jealousy is an ugly thing. Sounds like you still feed out of a bucket. Good story though.
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Re: Stray bullet story

Postby JMJ Farms » Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:26 pm

Lucky wrote:That story was funny and I’m still laughing but......jealousy is an ugly thing. Sounds like you still feed out of a bucket. Good story though.


I do. Each cow has its own individually numbered, color coded bucket. They get 1 1/2 gallons each per day, rain or shine, hot or cold. Fill em up at the house and then haul them to the pastures. Bought a school bus just to haul the buckets!

Thanks for the compliment on the story. I was bored and it was fun to write. All in good fun!
Last edited by JMJ Farms on Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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