How do you...

A friendly place for chat, rumors, gossip and jokes.
boondocks
GURU
GURU
Posts: 2592
Joined: Thu May 09, 2013 2:22 pm
Location: Upstate NY
Has thanked: 17 times
Been thanked: 23 times

How do you...

Post by boondocks » Sat Feb 09, 2019 7:25 pm

..go on messing with cows after a great loss? I know several of you on here have lost spouses or kids. Right now I can't envision spending the summer cutting hay, putting up polywire, getting cattle in the chute...seems overwhelming (3 wks from loss of our only child). We are keeping up with the feeding but I am wondering where we will find the (whatever) to do all this heavy labor. After watching hubby maneuver tractor over an icy hill to feed today, I am also feeling a bit more risk-averse.

Do those of you have have been down this road find that the cows are a comfort? Or not a comfort, exactly, but something to keep your mind/hands busy? How long did it take you to feel like they might be worth keeping?



User avatar
snoopdog
GURU
GURU
Posts: 1327
Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:16 am
Location: ne oklahoma
Has thanked: 438 times
Been thanked: 182 times

Re: How do you...

Post by snoopdog » Sat Feb 09, 2019 9:09 pm

I can't relate to your loss, there is no comparison, but cows bring me pleasure, making good hay gives me pleasure, knowing that I am the sole caretaker of beings that depend on me for their welfare, and doing a good job at it gives me pleasure. You have a rough road ahead, but it's not you're fault, and your life goes on. I don't think your son would appreciate it , if you gave up on cows. We have to keep our safety in our minds at all times, when fatigued, for whatever reason, the risk is much much higher. I hope this helps.
Being poor is the most expensive thing there is

User avatar
Caustic Burno
Crusty
Crusty
Posts: 24339
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 3:02 pm
Location: Big Thicket East Texas
Has thanked: 211 times
Been thanked: 625 times

Re: How do you...

Post by Caustic Burno » Sat Feb 09, 2019 9:18 pm

Boondocks I have often thought and been amazed at the same time at my maternal grandmother. She buried four of eight not trying to compare. I just never figured out she got up and went about life with a positive attitude.
That being said on my paternal side I watched my aunt bury her husband a daughter and a grandson in three weeks it completely destroyed two families.
With all that said I have no clue how as I have seen both extremes in my family.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but the lack does buy misery.

hurleyjd
GURU
GURU
Posts: 4288
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:52 am
Location: Yantis, Texas
Has thanked: 33 times
Been thanked: 118 times

Re: How do you...

Post by hurleyjd » Sat Feb 09, 2019 9:24 pm

boondocks wrote:
Sat Feb 09, 2019 7:25 pm
..go on messing with cows after a great loss? I know several of you on here have lost spouses or kids. Right now I can't envision spending the summer cutting hay, putting up polywire, getting cattle in the chute...seems overwhelming (3 wks from loss of our only child). We are keeping up with the feeding but I am wondering where we will find the (whatever) to do all this heavy labor. After watching hubby maneuver tractor over an icy hill to feed today, I am also feeling a bit more risk-averse.

Do those of you have have been down this road find that the cows are a comfort? Or not a comfort, exactly, but something to keep your mind/hands busy? How long did it take you to feel like they might be worth keeping?
There can be life after cows just try it.

User avatar
haase
GURU
GURU
Posts: 1341
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:45 am
Location: Northern Illinois
Been thanked: 92 times

Re: How do you...

Post by haase » Sat Feb 09, 2019 10:05 pm

Iike Hurley said there is life after cows, we have been two years now with out them, just do 5 or 6 feeders now each year with a lot less worries, still very sorry for your loss, just couldn't imagine it, try and make it easier, and that's a decision that you have to make for yourselves, god bless and good luck on whatever you do.

User avatar
greybeard
Mentor
Mentor
Posts: 18737
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:51 pm
Location: Cleveland Tx
Has thanked: 109 times
Been thanked: 505 times

Re: How do you...

Post by greybeard » Sat Feb 09, 2019 11:45 pm

A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
"For evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing" Burke
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
It ain't easy being a used cow salesman.

Lucky
Rancher
Rancher
Posts: 744
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:11 am
Location: TX
Has thanked: 48 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: How do you...

Post by Lucky » Sun Feb 10, 2019 3:55 am

I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now. A good friend of mine lost their oldest daughter about 10 yrs ago in an accident and I still think about her and what they went through all the time. I’ve been thinking about your family since this happened too. We lost a good friend in an accident early last year. We were the same age and I think the toughest part was seeing his mother for the first time after it happened.

We had terribly long dry summer here followed up by one of the wettest muddiest winters I can remember. Yesterday while I was feeding in the rain and mud I was thinking what am I even doing this for? Well I sat there in the pickup and looked around at all the little newborn calves running around (just started calving season) and the mamas trying to keep up with them and thought, oh yea this is why. Give the cattle a little time sometimes they bring a little peace in life.

wbvs58
GURU
GURU
Posts: 4500
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:45 am
Location: S.E. Queensland, Australia
Has thanked: 237 times
Been thanked: 226 times

Re: How do you...

Post by wbvs58 » Sun Feb 10, 2019 4:35 am

One foot after the other.

Ken

hurleyjd
GURU
GURU
Posts: 4288
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:52 am
Location: Yantis, Texas
Has thanked: 33 times
Been thanked: 118 times

Re: How do you...

Post by hurleyjd » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:13 am

greybeard wrote:
Sat Feb 09, 2019 11:45 pm
A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
You gonna keep the cows when you move to west Texas.

User avatar
melking
GURU
GURU
Posts: 2032
Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:20 pm
Location: Muse Florida...just for ryder
Been thanked: 1 time

Re: How do you...

Post by melking » Sun Feb 10, 2019 7:40 am

My heart is broken just to read your post. I honestly do not know if I could go on.
One thing you will never hear a southern boy say....Duct tape won't fix that, except, even duct tape can't fix stupid. It can, however, muffle it.

User avatar
Chocolate Cow2
Trail Boss
Trail Boss
Posts: 388
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:53 pm
Location: Kansas
Has thanked: 44 times
Been thanked: 81 times

Re: How do you...

Post by Chocolate Cow2 » Sun Feb 10, 2019 9:44 am

Reading these excellent replies, I think about the people around me who have unexpectedly lost a loved one.
The only advice I can offer is, don't make hasty decisions. Keep your life as routine as possible until answers are clear.
Find a support group. A good friend lost his wife in a car accident years ago.He still talks about the support group he joined and what a tremendous help it was for him. You need that same help. You're drowning in grief with no where to turn. Emotional support is priority #1 right now.

User avatar
greybeard
Mentor
Mentor
Posts: 18737
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:51 pm
Location: Cleveland Tx
Has thanked: 109 times
Been thanked: 505 times

Re: How do you...

Post by greybeard » Sun Feb 10, 2019 10:00 am

hurleyjd wrote:
Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:13 am
greybeard wrote:
Sat Feb 09, 2019 11:45 pm
A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
You gonna keep the cows when you move to west Texas.
I don't know yet, but probably not.
"For evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing" Burke
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
It ain't easy being a used cow salesman.

User avatar
TennesseeTuxedo
Mentor
Mentor
Posts: 13956
Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:49 pm
Location: Live in Franklin, TN farm in Warsaw, KY
Has thanked: 761 times
Been thanked: 696 times

Re: How do you...

Post by TennesseeTuxedo » Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:36 pm

Chocolate Cow2 wrote:
Sun Feb 10, 2019 9:44 am
Reading these excellent replies, I think about the people around me who have unexpectedly lost a loved one.
The only advice I can offer is, don't make hasty decisions. Keep your life as routine as possible until answers are clear.
Find a support group. A good friend lost his wife in a car accident years ago.He still talks about the support group he joined and what a tremendous help it was for him. You need that same help. You're drowning in grief with no where to turn. Emotional support is priority #1 right now.
Tremendous advice.
Making Cattle Today Great Again!
Sometimes you do have to throw out the babies with the bath water.

callmefence
GURU
GURU
Posts: 5723
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:36 pm
Location: Fencemans place...central Texas
Has thanked: 260 times
Been thanked: 437 times

Re: How do you...

Post by callmefence » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:52 pm

You can quit cows , just don't quit. I Know you've been dealt a really sorry hand. Don't quit on yourself and make it worse. Immerse yourself in something productive be it cattle are whatever. There is no undoing the past. Search for a positive activity to pour your pain into.
If it ain't tight , It ain't right.




You can all go to he// . I'll go to Texas.
David Crockett

User avatar
alisonb
GURU
GURU
Posts: 5035
Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:37 am
Location: South Africa
Has thanked: 250 times
Been thanked: 219 times

Re: How do you...

Post by alisonb » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:29 am

You are asking a difficult question B, as you realise everyone is different and each will handle situations differently.

IMO keep busy, both physically & mentally, no matter how hard it may be. There is a great possibility that you will lose interest in everything(not just the cows)that previously brought you joy. Perhaps set yourselves(you & hubby)a mourning period which you dedicate to your son. Plant a tree, dig his ashes in the ground, paint him, cry, make meals that he enjoyed, share memories of him with friends & family, cry, feel etc. Make no major decisions right now, the cows may just be what you need in the months ahead...

I'm so glad you are engaging and talking about your feelings and your very sad loss...
Few is the number who think with their own minds and feel with their own hearts. Albert Einstein
Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you!

Post Reply