Daily Chuckle
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greybeard
Well-known member
I've been lax in my sick joke duties lately but will try to catch up..
Uncle said he was not Portuguese,, he was portugoose. "there's only one of me"
Two mice lived in a museum. One night, one of them crawled into the face mask of a huge suit of armor.
Soon enough, he was completely lost and yelled out for his friend to help him find his way out.
"Help, I'm lost, Help me make it thru the knight!"
I would like to welcome everyone to the Assumption Club.
I think you all know why we're here.
There is now an internet based instrument to test the effectiveness of the dad/corny joke.
It's called the sighs-o-meter.
A man buys a parrot at an multi species auction after bidding higher and higher against another bidder.
"I suppose the bird talks," he said to the auctioneer.
"Talks!" replies the auctioneer. "He's been bidding against you for the last 10 minutes, but I shouldn't have told you until after the steer sale!!!"
There's an app that tells you immediately which of your friends are total morons.
It's called Facebook.
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
Uncle said he was not Portuguese,, he was portugoose. "there's only one of me"
Two mice lived in a museum. One night, one of them crawled into the face mask of a huge suit of armor.
Soon enough, he was completely lost and yelled out for his friend to help him find his way out.
"Help, I'm lost, Help me make it thru the knight!"
I would like to welcome everyone to the Assumption Club.
I think you all know why we're here.
There is now an internet based instrument to test the effectiveness of the dad/corny joke.
It's called the sighs-o-meter.
A man buys a parrot at an multi species auction after bidding higher and higher against another bidder.
"I suppose the bird talks," he said to the auctioneer.
"Talks!" replies the auctioneer. "He's been bidding against you for the last 10 minutes, but I shouldn't have told you until after the steer sale!!!"
There's an app that tells you immediately which of your friends are total morons.
It's called Facebook.
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
Ouachita
Well-known member
What is a Curmudgeon anyway?
A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's absurdities. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. . . . . . They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. . . . . . Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit.
Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse.
Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor.
- JON WINOKUR
A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's absurdities. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. . . . . . They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. . . . . . Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit.
Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse.
Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor.
- JON WINOKUR
greybeard
Well-known member
Well, He made a ton of $$$$ writing books about you and the rest of the curmudgeons.
Twisted
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
You ever come barrelin across one of those late at night, in a hurry and missed the smooth part and woke you up driving over the big pipes??
Twisted
Well-known member
Wear your teeth down?
greybeard
Well-known member
Worse. Thought driveshaft had come loose on the back end and was floppin around back there.
Twisted
Well-known member
Ouachita
Well-known member
Ouachita
Well-known member
Ouachita
Well-known member
Travlr
Well-known member
I can think of a few places I'd like to turn them loose... but I'm not sure that what you call a riot is anything more than a protest.
And I take the oath of enlistment seriously, still...
coachg
Well-known member
Take a couple to Sorras house . Seems like he's fronting a lot of this .
greybeard
Well-known member
I take a cow for a walk thru the local vineyard.
That's right...
I herd it thru the grape vine...
That's right...
I herd it thru the grape vine...
Travlr
Well-known member
greybeard
Well-known member
I don't see any skid marks or scratches on top of the concrete barrier. It was either photoshopped or he just landed there, doing a Dukes of Hazard thing up around Dallas somewhere. But I gotta give thumbs up, for a trailer hitch on a Challenger.
It looks better than the one I had on a different sporty car way back when.
But, I like
