I've been lax in my sick joke duties lately but will try to catch up..
Uncle said he was not Portuguese,, he was portugoose. "there's only one of me"
Two mice lived in a museum. One night, one of them crawled into the face mask of a huge suit of armor.
Soon enough, he was completely lost and yelled out for his friend to help him find his way out.
"Help, I'm lost, Help me make it thru the knight!"
I would like to welcome everyone to the Assumption Club.
I think you all know why we're here.
There is now an internet based instrument to test the effectiveness of the dad/corny joke.
It's called the sighs-o-meter.
A man buys a parrot at an multi species auction after bidding higher and higher against another bidder.
"I suppose the bird talks," he said to the auctioneer.
"Talks!" replies the auctioneer. "He's been bidding against you for the last 10 minutes, but I shouldn't have told you until after the steer sale!!!"
There's an app that tells you immediately which of your friends are total morons.
It's called Facebook.
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."